The making of Seriously... It's Not You; It's Me!  A very entertaining and informative 12 minutes!
Watch the video  via Demos on Demand or via YouTube.

Vol. 127, No. 6     Tuesday, Februry 9, 2010

Authors put people in 26 categories when it comes to relationships
By Shannon Burkey 

     When it comes to dating and relationships, there are 26 types out there, and everyone falls into one of those categories—at least according to Marjan Fariba and Tiffany Lyon.
     And they would know. The Saratoga duo spent a year researching today's dating and relationship world for their first book, Seriously ... It's Not You; It's Me!, that came about after hearing from so many of their friends about all the trouble that comes with dating these days.
     "They all seemed to be having so many problems in their relationships, so we decided to explore this idea of relationships and dating," Fariba said. "We came to find out that there were all these games people played."
     Playing games when it comes to dating may not come as a shock to the currently single, but it did shock Fariba, who has been married for 27 years, and Lyon, who has been married for 19.
     "It's very different now than when I was single," said Fariba, who met her husband while she was a student at Ohio State University. "The only game I remember playing is hide and seek. There are all these mind games now. It's really intense."
      Though the two have been out of the dating game for a while themselves, they kept hearing similar stories and decided to write a book about the types of people who are out there playing those games.
      Through research and interviews with hundreds of people—some single, some in relationships—the two developed 26 characters found in today's dating world. According to Fariba and Lyon, the book is about self-discovery and provides a humorous guide to who is out there based upon their research. Along the way they found that a lot of people had misconceptions about themselves, which is why their relationships might not be working.
     "We realized that nobody knows themselves, and that's why they are having so many problems in relationships. If you don't know yourself, how are you going to pick a match for yourself?" Lyon asked. "The whole purpose of the book is to get to know yourself first and then love yourself because if you don't, then you can't give back."
      In talking to people about their experiences, the two quickly began to see a pattern.
     "Certain types of people always seemed to gravitate toward the same types of characters," Lyon said.

      And though people seemed to always want the same thing, when asked point blank what it is they want in a relationship, Fariba and Lyon say most people couldn't answer.
     "We would interview people and ask them what they like or don't like and what they are interested in, and so many people just wouldn't know," Lyon said.
      But the two feel that reading the book and identifying with a character is the first step in discovering who you are and what you want in a mate.
     "It helps to see characteristics about yourself that you like or that maybe you need to work on," Lyon said. "The other thing this book brings is that it shows you that you are not alone. There are other people just like you going through similar experiences, and there is comfort in that."
      During their year of researching dating and relationships, the two say they began to be bombarded with calls and e-mails from people asking for advice on their situations, but they are quick to respond that they don't give advice and the book is not a relationship advice book.
     "Throughout the whole process, we didn't give advice; we just listened and gave confirmation to people as to what we've seen out there," Fariba said. "We thought, we aren't giving advice because we really don't know anything. But what we did have was data and stories that let people know that they are not alone in what they are going through."
      Lyon agreed, adding that people are comforted to know that they are not alone in the mess that is the dating world.
     "The book is purely stories and interviews about real people," she said. "It's a guide to who's out there.
      But if the two have any advice to offer from their yearlong research, it is one thing—be true to yourself. "Truly and unconditionally accept yourself, and if you don't like something about yourself, you are the only one who can change it," Fariba said.
      `Seriously ... It's Not You; It's Me!' was published by Robertson Publishing in Los Gatos and is available at Borders in Los Gatos, Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com.